In Transit

This is a post about my love-hate relationship with the airport. I've been really lucky to have traveled a lot from a young age, so in a way, I'm a little desensitized to the airport awe that people like my boyfriend have (shoutout JP). Still, I think I always feel a little uneasy whenever I have to go to SFO or Logan or any airport by myself. Something about waiting in the TSA lines and shuffling through the sterile, fluorescent-lit hallways makes me feel a little weird. Also, going to the airport was a pain in the ass when I was younger. My family frequently took long-haul international flights, and this was accompanied by stress from leaving the house late, getting dragged through the duty-free shopping section, and quietly waiting while my dad talked and talked and talked with a flight agent regarding cancellations and missing luggage.

At the same time, airports are one of the few consistent places I can sit down and take a breather, especially now that I'm older. Since the start of college, I've always journaled whenever waiting for my flight. I'll head to the Peet's/Starbucks/Dunkin in Terminal B, pick up a little matcha latte, sit down, and absolutely word vomit in my Notes app or in my little blue book. In fact, it's what I'm doing now on a new medium -- surprise! It's so interesting looking back on my airport entries and seeing what's going through my head before I board: anxiety about returning back to my hometown, excitement about seeing my sister and friends, gloom about leaving Boston. Weirdly, I feel like the bustle of people running around to their gates and being with their families puts me at ease while I write or do work. As a result, I tend to be super productive at the airport.

You might be wondering: "How the hell is Jielin's weird attitude towards the airport relevant to me?" (Spoiler: it might not be entirely relevant to you, but if you feel like you're in a weird spot in life, keep reading!)

I'm currently sitting in Logan getting ready to fly to Newark to start my summer internship in New York. My work starts Monday and I've been having problems completing all my onboarding things, so I'm feeling extra frantic and panicky right now. More generally, I have a lot of anxiety surrounding my move to NYC. With the presence of AAPI + general crimes continuing in the city, the fact that I'm in a completely new environment with new coworkers, and the incredibly small number of close friends I'm likely to hang out with only occasionally, I'm kind of freaking out, not gonna lie. But, like my time in the airport, I'm choosing to see this internship/NYC experience as a transient one that'll bring me to a new stage in my life. My friend Greg reminded me this morning that I'll be back in the comfort of Boston before I know it, and I think it's hard for me to remember this reality when I'm so overwhelmed. Plus, this is something that is completely out of my comfort zone, which I'm giving myself kudos for. So, for once in my life, Logan feels more comforting -- kind of like the feeling when you say bye to a friend you know you'll see again. A little bittersweet, if you ask me.

The process leading up to my decision to go to New York was crazy stressful, so I'm trying my best to keep a positive mindset about this new experience (which I think is only half working). Hopefully, corporate America doesn't kick my ass this summer -- even if it does, I'll be back in Boston soon enough. I guess the overall takeaway is this: the airport can suck sometimes, just like awkward interim periods in your life. This could be anything from going from high school to college, figuring out your future career, or in my case, temporarily living in a city that scares the shit out of me. Still, time goes faster than you think, so I'm choosing to keep an open mind and view this as a learning experience. See you soon New York!